First, scare off the weak ones. For the husband-
shoppers, choose a photo of you, The Libertine.
To all the lost souls seeking comfort, a sly smile will do –
you’re not “comfortable.” Wear a tailored suit and an intense gaze.
You only get five pictures and there are rules.
No bathroom selfies or carefully tended pecs
glistening in the tropical sun. Hide your cat.
And that picture with your ex and your hair just-so?
Forget about it. Instead, be riding the Cyclone at Coney Island
or caressing a microphone, eyes turned upward to the heavens.
No one knows this is karaoke. You’re a man who is going
to have to make time for someone, you seem to be saying
while walking across the Brooklyn Bridge into
a glorious East River sunset.
For your brief tagline, don’t say “serial dater. “ You’re intrepid.
You love new cultures. Besides, ask a person to free-associate the first
word to come to mind when you say “serial.” This is scary
enough so don’t shoot yourself in the foot. But use the shotgun approach —
“like” everyone’s profile. Sharpen the saw of conversing
with strangers. Choose your search parameters wisely.
“Within five miles or less” will save you hours on the subway.
Stick to meeting in bars and coffee shops. Dinners are for anniversaries
and lingering conversations. When you’ve spent too many
Saturday nights alone, go back to your photos. Work on your tagline
like Rocky working on the ribs of Ivan Drago.